Monday, April 9, 2018

Fifty One Days Later...



They let us talk again! Just. Phone. Calls. Who knows for how long...

...

184 days & nights since I last kissed you... It never got easier. Not once. I’m still here. Trying to hold on to my grace.

51 days ago they decided to not let me talk to you. Fifty one cold days and fifty one  dark nights. A severe torture. Not knowing anything about you. With nothing left in our hands to do to stop their destruction.

Only yesterday they let us talk! I don’t know why then, but surely Allah Knows how hard it has been for us. I pray it wasn’t as hard for you baby.

Sorry you had to travel by plane & go through so much wihout your Mama. Sorry ya wardet mama <3

You told me today that starting from tomorrow you’ll be going back to the house from your school bus BY YOURSELF! But you’ll call your father every time you reach home! I had a bad headache since that moment. Something happened to my brain cells. My heart can not fathom. How? Why?

So many questions I NEED to ask you, but fear holds my tongue. I fear them doing that all over again.

I’m sorry for not telling you how I feel. Not showing you how much I’m dying each moment for you. I just can’t; too scared of them turning all connections off. Over. And. Over. Again.

I’m sorry I won’t be there on your birthday. I’m sorry for not being a source of light in your precious life. I’m sorry I won’t be in your pictures.

Someday I’ll have you back, inshaAllah. I’ll explain to you. And if that doesn’t happen; it’ll surely happen up there inshaAllah.

Lallo mommy! Heart of my heart!

Remember this book? I never continued reading it for you. I never let you watch Cinderella; not knowing that you would experience her life at 6.5.. I thought watching Lion King would be too rough for you. Not knowing that you were to go through this chaos too soon.

They let you watch After Life?! May Allah Protect your little heart Pateeteyayeeee!

Did you really mean it when you said that my mac & cheese is better than the one they gave you for lunch today? Please don’t forget my love for you.

Mommy loves Nonny very muchy much!

Ugy muggy baby!

No comments:

Post a Comment